Building self confidence

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What is confidence?

Oprah Winfrey once said 'Its confidence in our own bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures' .

To me self confidence, is the ability to trust yourself, being true to yourself and the things you believe. It is the ability to go out and gain what you want and even if you dont get it, having the ability to be proud of trying your best.

When we make accomplishments in life, it gives us that boost to feel good about ourselves and to motivate us to go out and achieve more!

But... in today's world many people (including myself) lack in self confidence. There are many contributing factors to this but it's different for everyone.

For me... I lack self confidence because of my personal experiences in life. I was bullied in school and it made me scared to go to certain classes each week to the point of having panic attacks and being in hysterics. I was chased home by bullies a few times and it way terrifying.

I was also put down a lot by many people, in college my own tutor told me I wouldn't get into university to do the course I wanted to.

Its times like these I've blocked out of my mind because they are painful to remember. But despite these horrible experiences, I've made a good life and proved many people wrong.

I DID get into university, all my 5 choices offered me a place, 3 of them unconditional offers. I completed my BA and have recently completed my MA.

During this lockdown time, I've realised that it's taken me far too long to be kinder to myself. It's not right where I've been putting myself down.

Now is the time to build my confidence and in future be kinder to myself.

And this post, these tips I'm sharing is how I'm doing that... but before I do, know this ...

To anyone reading this who lacks confidence like me... you are an amazing person and we can all do amazing things , from this day on, be kinder to yourself and love who you are.

5 quick reasons why..

You learn to appreciate yourself more, you are amazing!

It makes you feel more attractive.

Helps to motivate yourself with setting goals

The more confident you feel, you will be able to deal with rejections better- their loss!

It will make you less anxious- you wont care about other people's opinions towards you.

How to build confidence

These 15 tips are what I am doing and some I have found through research. Just remeber baby steps first!

1) Ted talk- The skill of self confidence.

I watched this and found it really interesting!

'We all have this negative self talk that goes in our heads.... why do we want to tell ourselves that? '

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs

2) Surround yourself with positivity- Easy said than done true BUT it can be done!

- Use quotes that stand out to you or you can say 'I feel this' .

- Pictures! Visual images that we love and make us feel happy.

-Listen to music that boost your mood and makes you want to sing and dance to it.

For more ideas and deep meaning on these check out this website.

3) Accept your flaws- Nobody is perfect. We all have flaws and that's okay!

Me...

I overthink everything

I take things to heart

And I can get upset easily.

BUT if you look at this in a positive way it shows I'm a person who is in touch with her emotions and I think deeply about things.

Accept your flaws is a brave step to take.

4) Create goals- And not impossible ones!

Set yourself realistic goals, it could be something for example, I want to save more money!

So start off by aiming to save so much a month- for me I am to save £50 a month if my son doesnt decide to have another growth spurt ! Hahaha.

It could be that you want to give up a bad habit like smoking or eating take out all the time... break that goal down into smaller steps.

5) Postive words daily!

Everyday write down a postive thing about yourself and put it somewhere you can see it .

6) Write yourself a postive letter.

Write a open and honest letter to yourself. It's good for Self care and you can read it time and time again when you need a pick me up after a tough time. Check out this one to give you an idea on how to do it.

7) Postive playlist!

Make a playlist full of your favourite feel good songs that make you want to sing and dance along and make you feel confident. This helps to boost your mood and makes you feel confident. Some of my confident songs ...

Katy Perry Roar AND Part of me

Taylor swift- Me!

Pink- So What

Demi Lovato- Confident

Imagine Dragons- Believer

8) Me Time- Make time for yourself everyday!

Its important you take time to look after yourself each day, your matter too!

AS A PARENT.. Yes this is definitely easier said than done trust me , I've learnt that! BUT you need to look after yourself too because you little one looks up to you and copies what you ... if we dont look after ourselves how will we teach them to look after themselves when they grow up? ( that's my take on it anyways) .

9) Breaking the comfort circle-

Whe you can or when the opportunity arises... do something that scares you!

Why ?

Because even if it doesnt go to plan OR of its successful you can then say that you did it and you learnt something from it. This is a big contributor to building confidence , either if it fails or succeeds, you took that chance.

10) Grateful list-

As cocomelon asks me daily What are you thankful for? (Parents will get this) .

Thankful/grateful for me is the same thing ..write down all the things you are grateful to have in your life, you dont necessarily have to do this all in one go, you can add to it as and when!

For me ... ( 3 of my things)

I am grateful for my mom for a billion things she does for me and just being there.

I am grateful for the NHS for saving lives and working through this very difficult time.

I am thankful for my son who keeps me going when things get tough because he reminds me why it's all worth it.

11) Morning affirmations -

Every morning look in the mirror and tell yourself one thing to boost your confidence. It could be something from your postive notes from point 5 above or just something you say to yourself .. I like to remind myself that I am a good mom even if I dont think I am at times.

12) Ted talk 2-

How to build self confidence- cece Olisa Another inspiring ted talk, this time by Cece..who comments this interesting metaphor ' I like to think of confidence as a big red balloon that can either soar or deflate '.

Check it out here, I really enjoyed this talk !

13) Post it Affirmations-

Grab some post it notes and marker, this one is simple and straight forward.

In the post it notes write down some positive affirmations and stick them on your wall..

They could say some of the following...

I matter

I am a good person

I am smart

I am brave

I am worthy of love

Something just like these , stick them where you cam see them and remind yourself daily .

14) Self care daily - look after your wellbeing too! By self caring we feel good about ourselves which helps to boost our confidence. Check out my previous post on self care to get some ideas!

15) The most important one...

Finally as hard as it is Dont compare yourself to others.

You may think they are better in so many ways BUT everybody is different, we all have flaws and no one is perfect. You are amazing in your own way.

Remember that you matter too ❤❤

Thanks for reading!